Juggling Act

With the gradual departure of summer (can it really be?) and the first signs of fall, I find that I have to begin the juggling act that entails planning for when everyone goes back to school. It means a big shift in our social lives, and I once again have to establish new routines. I'd like to find some fun activities for the kids that include other kids, but it's tough.

On the home front, I'm tired of being daycare daddy, it's too much to deal with. Our time is our time and to have it infringed on spoils it in the end. So what's a dad to do? I once again feel under siege in our own home, but maybe it's just a good case of having to deal with it like a man and say how you feel. We just don't want to do anything with you.

We've had a busy schedule and I'm looking forward to just chilling out and doing nothing, but I know that phone's going to ring first thing in the morning, and it bums me out.

What are we going to do with Fall? Have to find some cool things for the kids to do. I'd like for the kids to do Karate, I've decided, and hope they'll respond. Still trying to work out the cat thing, so we'll see how that goes. Until the next time, thanks for reading.

It's Still Summer

Things have been mellow and fun, we've been able to live our own schedule because certain parents have been able to find avenues to farm out their kids while not relying on us. Refreshing, to say the least, but our time will come since there are still a few weeks left in summer until school begins. I don't know how parents do it, but one thing is becoming more clear to me-consumption forces the issue.

I've found that a lot of parents spend way too much money, making it imperative to hold down two jobs. Then again, two incomes are a given up here, life is just hard. Even still, the level of spending makes me anxious and uneasy, but it's none of my business, so I'll leave it at that.

The question has been posed to me about daycare-ing in the next few weeks, and I can't say for sure. We do have plans, and in my heart I don't want to do it for several reasons, the most significant of which is that it really disrupts our time together as a family, which I value. Adding one more kid to the mix really changes things, and I'm not saying that because I want to monopolize my kid's time. We just have a great time hanging out together doing nothing but hanging out together, a lost art amongst families. Factor in an overscheduled child who is used to having her hand held or being enrolled in assorted activities, and suddenly all that changes. Also, there is the issue of rebellion, and kids who question adults and don't listen. It all adds up.

And, of course, it's just plain hard, not to mention more expensive. The problem is, our kids love this other kid, and they have fun, and if they had it their way, they'd live together, and maybe that's what being a kid is all about, carefree fun, but for me, it's hard. Plain hard, no way around it, and as a parent who spends most of his time watching over and caring for his kids, I still feel the need to kick, scream and fight to spend quality time with my children, and will do so. That will never change.

So we'll wait and see how this one comes out. Until then, thanks for reading.

Summer's Winding Down

I can't believe it's already August, and we've yet to see a day break 100. Something's going on out there. I have to admit, we've had a great summer doing all sorts of fun stuff while not succumbing to the whole camp hysteria. A&N each did one week of Montshire camp and that was it, but we were clearly anomalies in this regard. I'm struck by how much camp kids attend, though I understand that summer must be a hard time for parents with no school.

Even still, the amount of scheduling and expense that go into it is staggering. There are many kids who go to camp every week over the summer, and at well over $200 a pop, that's a lot of dough. I understand the whole Hanover/Norwich set with their two-professional households, but for a lot of folks, I can't help but think that it boils down to the old "don't know what to do with the kids," scenario. It always leads to over-scheduling because the idea of sitting around the house with your kids is unthinkable.

We found that our kids loved camp, but were clearly tired out by it all. So even though they loved it, there was some hesitation and by the end, we were all in need of a break. But we pulled it off, and it wasn't easy. Life with one care continues to force us to be creative and adaptable. All things considered, it wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be. We would drop off the kids at camp, I would drop R off at work, and then I'd have two hours to myself. Not knowing what to do with myself, I'd hang out at the library and try to write or go shopping for food and various kid necessities. On the day's I'd work, we'd go in together, and it was fun. I think people look at us as weird because we do so much together, especially as a family. I am struck by how different we are, though I wouldn't change a thing.

We had some great milestones this summer. N refused his life-vest and is now a swimming machine, though I still never leave his side. He also just recently shed his training wheels and is now a biking machine, as well. He is so proud and excited, as well he should be. A overcame some huge anxieties and jumped off the diving board, which was big for her. And she is cranking on her home-schooling, moving at warp speed.

In the end, life is good. We are working hard at perfecting our gig, though perfection is a bad way to look at it. We are trying to optimize under less than ideal circumstances, which ironically makes our lives more fulfilling. We spend more time together and rely less on external sources for our enjoyment. I.e., we enjoy eachother's company, and it's not a chore to be together. What else could you ask for?

The weather has been very odd for this time of year. I can't believe how much rain we've gotten, which makes it more challenging to entertain the kids, but then again, they are great at entertaining themselves.

Until the next time, thanks for reading.

Fluorescent Light Bulbs

Boy, I think they really screwed up by not putting more info out there about fluorescent bulbs. Why do the have to use mercury, of all thing? I was working the basement the other day, building some shelves, and I cracked a bulb on the ceiling fixture. It didn't shatter and there were only a few shards on the ground, but it was enough to freak me out. I forbade the kids from entering and began the cleanup.

I'm still not clear as to what happens when the bulbs break, but my understanding is the mercury vapor is released, though a lot of it apparently adheres to the glass shards that fall. I picked up the pieces and sealed the bulb in a plastic bag, and then began the cleanup. I'd heard you don't vacuum or sweep for fear of dissipating the mercury, but then what are you supposed to do? I did the duct tape thing, but that'll only get you so far. I hope it was enough.

I opened up the bulkhead and vented the place, but it really bummed me out to have it happen. I'm thinking really of the kids, don't want to put them in harms way. I'll keep researching this, but suffice it to say that the dangers we impose on ourselves really suck.

Summer Camp

Today is the first day of summer camp for our kids, and I have to admit that I have some anxiety about it. It's the first time for our son, and he's beside himself with excitement. I'm not sure what to expect for him, but I know I should just lighten up and let him have fun. It's not easy letting go and realizing that your kids will slowly push away from you. At least that's the way it should be. For A, she's practically a pro at this, but even still, it seems like a long day. I can't imagine what it will be like when she goes away to sleepover camp. Say it isn't so. I'm going to do my best to take a step back and let things evolve, because I want them to have fun and to get the most out of the experience.

The whole camp thing has gotten way out of hand, and I realize that much of it boils down to farming out your kids over the summer. I know how hard it can be once school lets out, what the heck are you supposed to do with the kids? It's a rough world out there for families, though a lot of it is self-inflicted. I know of so many parents that, given the choice, opt not to spend time at home with the kids. Our jobs, after all, give us such a sense of our identity and being a parent never really gets the respect it warrants, but that's the world we live in.

Our good friends down the road have a hard time and I wish I could help out more, but again, I think a lot of it is created by the creator. They are way too over-scheduled, enrolling their kid in every sport and after-school activity imaginable. Their kids were away for a week and the morning they were back their kids wanted to get away, and they let them. I think as a parent you need to slow things down and calm the kids down, otherwise they become intolerably distracted. Personally, if my kids were away for a week, I'd want to hold onto them for at least a day to make up for lost time, but that's just me.

One of the problems we seem to run into is that we live differently. We like to spend a lot of quiet time together, just our family, and I've found you really have to be selfish and fight for that time, because if you let down your guard your time no longer becomes your own. For R and I, the best times are just the four of us, alone at home, hanging out. It doesn't get any better. When kids come over that magical time is gone, and the kids have fun, but it does take more effort. I really think our kids are good at playing quietly by themselves, either at home or wherever we may be, and the presence of high maintenance kids definitely compromises that. When I say high maintenance, I mean the ones who either need to watch TV or need to be entertained. It ain't easy.

I'm not here to judge, well, at least not sort of, but I am struck by how difficult it can be. It boils down to taking the hard or easy way. When you're a parent, you can choose the easy path and fill your kids with activities or TV and the job is out of your hands, or you can take the hard way and make a concerted effort for the kids to be self-reliant and introspective. You might say this is a genetic issue, but I don't agree. I think even rambunctious kids benefit from time being in their own heads. If anything, it probably calms them down.

Either way, now that summer camp is here, the kids are thrilled, but I'm hoping it won't be too tiring and overwhelming for them. I just want them to have fun, and if anything, I should welcome the time off for good behavior, sort of.

Until the next time, thanks for reading.

Family Time part 2-Defending It

We've found at times that our family time together, which we cherish, can sometimes be under assault, and we are not always sure how to defend and maintain it. There is always some social occasion in the woodworks that we always enjoy but compromises what we love best, which is to simply spend time together, alone, as a family. It's tough, because the kids want to play with other kids, it's just that everything changes once this occurs. I don't know what the answer is.

Our friend's daughter and A are good friends, but when she comes over we seem to notice that our kids become a bit more insolent and disorderly. They do things that they wouldn't normally do and question and challenge us more, all because of this friend. No question about it, she's just that way. Okay, fair enough, no kid is perfect, but it's hard to digest when on any other given day, our kids are mellower and more respectful. We find it hard to deal with at times. Coupled with the fact that said friend is a school kid who is prone to boredom and needs to be guided in activities, it changes everything.

Our weekends are precious to us, and we've discovered that we need to defend them. It's interesting how other parents operate. Our friends haven't seen their kids for a week because they are at grandma's house, and the morning of her first day back she's spending the day with us. If it were me, I'd put my foot down and say, "No way, you're hanging out with mom and dad." But things don't work that way in the world.

I've also noticed certain behavior patterns in kids who don't spend a lot of time with their parents, i.e., with grandparents or caretakers. This is a gross generalization so forgive me please, but these kids tend to be subtly manipulative, they know how to get what they want and are not afraid to cross the line in order to get it, challenging adults and skirting respect. They are needy and smart, it's a survival thing. The problem is, they get out kids to act accordingly and do things they don't normally do.

We went to a movie yesterday, Wall-E, our first one as a family and in retrospect we should have gone alone, but it's done. Either way, we found out kids not listening to us and running off ahead, which is treacherous in Hanover because of all the traffic. Normally our kids don't do that, but here they were. Also, the friend can't stop moving, there is a manic quality, again a sign of over-scheduled kids. They can't sit still and be in their own heads, and drag whomever is with them, with them.

What should have been a great family outing simply became a chore, and we've resolved that it's up to us to stand our grand and defend our family time. When you open the floodgates, you'll drown in other people's problems, namely their kids. Not for us, thank you.

Until the next time, thanks for reading.

Family Time-Variety

We can't stress how important family time is for us, and in a way, as parents we have to literally fight hard to maintain it, because we are under constant assault. I don't mean that in a bad way, people are friendly and social and we feel fortunate that they want our company, it's just that we value our time together as a family, and having even just one more person along disrupts that. For people who long for social contact, they probably can't understand this, but know a few families that can probably relate. An example, our friends declined to get together with another friend because the father was taking the day off and they had planned on having a family day together. What I admired about it was that they had the guts to say this outright and say it like it was.

With this in mind, we've been seeking balance in our lives, and mostly in the lives of our kids. That means a variety of experiences with a variety of kids doing a variety of things. Only time will tell if it's been fruitful, but at the very least, and most importantly, it's been fun and rewarding. I think our kids had a really focused period of hanging out with one child and they really enjoyed it, but came to see her as the only friend in the world. We don't in any way want to discourage this friendship, kids should have a best friend, but their lives shouldn't revolve around one person, especially at the tender ages of four and seven. So the impetus lay with us to provide a more varied set of experiences, while also maintaining our important daily routines. Not always so easy, especially with just one car, but we've managed to accomplish a few things.

Last week was actually a great week, and our kids have been diligent and inspired in their daily lives, doing things we wish for them to do without our prompting. Sure, there are several bumps along the way, but for the most part it's been going very well. We went swimming at the Hanover pool and though we had to contend with the uber-suburban crowd, we had fun within our own little group, and the kids had a blast. Plus, it was a scorcher of a day, so it was nice to get into the water. We could have stayed their all day, but everyone had places to be, so we swam for at least three hours.

Our kids reached some milestones, as well. N, for the first time, swam the entire day without his life vest. He didn't want it from the get-go, and he swam up a storm. I never left his side, and I think it really helped his confidence, not to mention his overall viewing pleasure. He did a great job. A made a big leap, both literally and figuratively. She worked up the courage and jumped off the diving board. Now on the surface this may not seem like a big deal, but for a cautious child who over thinks everything in life, it was huge, but just another example of how she can rationally think things through and eventually overcome her anxieties and accomplish things. I've seen it before. It helps to be with kids who are more brazen, they inspire her to some degree, but in the end it boils down to her desire to try something.

We met the Ms at the pool and besides being older, except for RM, they are all accomplished swimmers. We decided to have a picnic and brought along pizza and chips and drinks and it was a blast. We hit the pool and A sat back and watched the other kids jumping off the diving board. It was on her mind, I could tell, I asked her, but she wasn't ready. She had a great time swimming, but by the time came for us to leave, she didn't want to leave without trying it, so she asked if she could give it a go before we left, and of course I encouraged her.

She practiced jumping off the side of the pool before cautiously walking to the end of the diving board. Once she was there, there was no turning back because of the queue of kids behind her. I gave her a thumbs up, but she ignored me, being focused on the moment. Then she did a gentle bounce and jumped into the water. She surfaced, swam to the side, and was beaming. I think it was huge for her, and what really made it great was the Ms ran over and congratulated her. A did it several more times and they joined in, and unfortunately we all had to go.

But what a great day. I love days like that, when the kids do well. It makes everything worthwhile. Until the next time, thanks for reading.