Feeling Guilty

Over the past couple of weeks, DF asked me if I was interested in putting on skates and helping out at the practices. I said I would be happy to, but qualified that with the fact that I am not a hockey player, I just play one on TV. This didn’t seem to matter to him, and he asked again, so I decided to bring my skates and help out at practice. As I mentioned, this didn’t go over so well, partly because of my lack of experience, but also because of my own insecurity and neurosis. I felt stupid just standing around being useless, and figured my days of coaching were over.

Well, the next practice, as I sat in the stands with the common folk, DF skated over and asked me why I wasn’t out on the ice. I wanted to say, “Are you joking?” I should have just told him that I didn’t think he needed me, I was completely redundant, but instead I came up with some stupid excuse. The point is, I felt bad, and wondered why exactly he’s asking me to help. The other coaches are all hockey players, and I felt like I was intruding on their gig. Don’t get me wrong, I want to help out with my kid’s events, but also don’t want to feel stupid sitting around doing nothing. I’d rather watch from the bleachers.

What I got from this experience is maybe I just need to suck it up and not care what anyone thinks. If I can be even a little help, then get out there and be involved, right? The practices are fast and run on autopilot, so there is little time to stall and hold things up. This makes it difficult for a newcomer, though not impossible. Another problem is that most of the kids skate better than me, so what exactly am I going to teach them?

The life of a hockey parent is not an easy one, especially when you put yourself out there, but it sure creates fuel for this blog.

Until the next time, thanks for reading, and thanks to Kriss Szkurlatowski for the pic.

Coming Up With a Plan

As I mentioned before, we tend to compromise our plans to help out people. I don’t know why we do it, call it lack of foresight, or just being too nice. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to help people, and it’s good not to focus all your attention on yourself, but it’s not always good to sacrifice your own stuff in the interest of helping out. It’s not a question of fault.

This cropped up this week, and we have nobody to blame but ourselves. However, we did come up with an alternative plan, and it worked out in more ways than one. We have good friends who have a hectic life, and because of work and parenting, have to constantly find places for their kids when school and work don’t mesh. Enter the homeschool family, who are always home. They are our good friends, and their kids are buddies with A&N, so it’s not a problem... usually. It’s hard, however, when their needs clash with our plans. For the record, the situation is complicated.

With that in mind, we were asked to watch the kids, which is usually not a big deal, except that we had plans that came up at the last minute. Since we can’t seem to get enough hockey in our lives, we had decided to go to the homeschool skate and hockey game. I figure it’s like an open stick, so even better than skating, the kids (and I) get to slap a puck around. The problem was, one of the friends had to be back at school by a time that clashed with the hockey game. This meant leaving earlier than we had wanted, which is a bummer, but it was too late to back out of a favor. Maybe better not to have gotten into it in the first place, but live and learn, or “not,” in my case.

Either way, I found myself a bummed and a little bitter, especially since it usually entails a demand that we attend the friend’s event, which takes up more time and consumes more of our evening. This time around, we vowed we do things differently, and we came up with a plan. It went something like this: since we wanted to do the hockey, we decided that A&N would stay at the rink and I would take the girls back without our kids and drop them off at the school. Then R would pick up A&N and bring them home while I hung at the library with the other kid until their mom showed up. Beautiful, though I didn’t get to play hockey, but I’m fine with that, for now. This way, our friends are taken care of while our kids get to do what they wanted to do without sacrificing their time to help our friends. Does that make any sense?

The point is, it worked out, but the take home message in all this is that we really need to learn to say no. For softies like us, it’s a lot easier said than done, but I think we’re getting there. I’ve oversimplified the situation, because there is more to it, but I won’t go into that now, because a lot of it is due to my own personal neurosis.

Until the next time, thanks for reading, and thanks to Steven Goodwin for the pic.

Our Complicated Social Life

It’s looking more and more like we’re experiencing this tangled web of friendship, or rather, A is. This time around we are less involved because we realize it’s a part of growing up and we can’t control our kid’s lives, sort of. To be honest, it’s not any one person’s fault, and could be construed as self-induced.

It stems from loyalty and how strongly a kid bonds with her friends. We’re the sort of people who would do anything for a friend. While I admire selflessness, there comes a time when you have to look out a little for your own self interest, dare I say, be a little selfish. Otherwise, people either take advantage or get bored with you. For the record, it’s not the fault of the person in question, it’s more a case of our needing to get a grip.

In the past, this happened with YKW, though I don’t know the complete story on that one. There was something fishy going on there, and that story may unfold one day. The ironic thing is, the re-connection with YKW might prove to be a blessing, and here’s why.

Our current social situation is complicated by the fact that there are age and social circle differences. You can’t fault a kid for wanting to hang with kids her own age and at her school. A year or two is a huge difference when you’re a teenager. I never hung out with kids younger than I was, which is ridiculous when you think about it, but we did ridiculous things when we were young. The issue here is that we need to temper our enthusiasm on our end. I don’t think meanness or deception is involved here, maybe a little subtle manipulation, but what kid isn’t guilty of that? It’s more a situation of taking what’s given to you, and we tend to give.

I think more to the point is that we need to keep a level head when it comes to friends, especially in light of the logistics. I.e., we can’t bend over backwards and sacrifice or compromise our lives in the interest of appeasing someone else. This seems often be the case, and said 3^rd party is more than happy to accept our time and efforts. It happens whenever we cross paths, which thankfully is not all the time. It’s just that when do, everything we do seems to be in the interest of this 3^rd party. Does that make any sense?

No matter, the point is, we have to live our own lives and if we intersect, great, but otherwise we have to live our own lives. With this in mind, it’s good if not ironic that we connected with YKW. We need more balance in our social interactions, because we can’t seem to temper our enthusiasm. It kills me sometimes to see, but again, we can’t control their lives.

Either way, we are not going to intervene, but will do our best to provide alternative opportunities to have fun and make connections. I think the initial results may be positive, but it’s too early to tell. The beautiful, if not amusing, thing is that it may very well involve hockey, of all things. How crazy is that?

Stay tuned for more, because it will only get better from here. Until then, thanks for reading, and thanks Eastop for the pic.

Karate Class, Against the Odds

There was some question as to whether or not we’d have karate class. It had been a few weeks since we’d gone, what with the holidays and all, and nobody really lets us know if they are coming to class. With this in mind, we can’t really hold it against the senseis to show up when they have such busy schedules, though for the record, my heart always sinks when CH calls an hour or two before class, because I know it means one thing - he ain’t coming.

In a few instances, I’ve had to run the class, which I’m not so keen on, but can pull off. I know enough to run the show, but would never take it on willingly. Last class, I got that dreaded phone call. On a bright note, since I relinquished the keys to the dojo, I can’t really be expected to run class because only three people can open the door. Master H, sensei C, and NS, another black belt. What this means is that a higher belt will be there, so they can over see instruction. Doesn’t that work out beautifully?

This past week, A started her drawing class, which runs until right before karate. We worked it out so I would drop A off, then take N to his drum lesson, which this week I forgot to go to, but that’s another issue. R would pick A up after drawing and bring her to karate and meet up with N and I. Then R would take N home for supper and A and I would do karate. How’s that for completely insane?

Either way, as I mentioned, CH called and said he couldn’t make it, but that Master H had a key. When we arrived, nobody was there, and there was some question as to whether or not we would have class. When Master H showed up, he said he didn’t have a key, so our last hope was for NS to show, but he rarely comes, so fat chance. At that point, I had set my mind on canceling, and was ready to go home and eat. To her credit, A really wanted to have class, so I didn’t say anything. Also, I felt bad, because Master H comes a fair distance just to be there.

Two more students showed up, and Master H went on a mission. He drove over to the store to see if anyone knew anyone with a key, and if you can believe it, he found one. He somehow managed to track down CH’s daughter, who called home and had her brother bring CH’s key to the dojo. Pretty amazing, and testament to perseverance. We had a short class, but it felt good to be back, and I think A had a good time. Often the small classes are the ones you get a lot out of, especially with Master H.

Just wanted to close by saying we really appreciate all that Master H and CH do. Until the next time, thanks for reading, and thanks to Kriss Szkurlatowski for the pic.

Playing Guitar

Our regular guitar teacher is out of commission for a bit, so we are literally without guidance for early two months. In light of this, I contacted A’s old teacher, EE, and he was happy to resume lessons with her. He’s always been very nice and supportive of A’s guitar playing, always complimenting her on her playing and singing, and he’s a serious guitar teacher. People all over the area know him, and he was in fact the person that KR recommended we go to when she felt she had exhausted her teaching resources with A.

E tends to challenge A, which is good, and he is more about learning the real theory behind the music. It’s been said that it may not be as fun because with KR they tend to sing along and learn songs that are more fun, whereas with E, it’s a little more serious instruction, but again, I think that’s a good thing. Also, E is a professional teacher, he has set hours and we meet regularly. There is value to that, especially when it comes to developing discipline and focus, two areas where we are not always model citizens. Plus, it gives us an excuse to hit the big city on a regular basis. I’ll take it.

Until the next time, thanks for reading, and thanks to uyo14 for the pic.

Finally Some Snow, Mixed Blessings

If you can believe this, we finally got some snow, or at least some seasonal snow that might stick around. Then again, there is rain in the forecast. Hard to believe. It’s been a disappointing winter in terms of skiing, and way back in summer when we were gathering up all of our ski gear (we’re talking skis and snowboards, mind you), I thought it would be ironic that the one winter where we are well prepared and even went out and got ski passes might be the one year that we don’t get any snow. So far, that dire prediction has come to fruition. We haven’t done much in the way of skiing, and we are well into January.

The funny thing is, I don’t think we’re too heartbroken on this end, because our interest in skiing has been supplanted by, you guessed it, hockey. Now I know the ski season is far from over, and we are still devoted skiers in this house, but in a funny if not ironic way, it’s maybe not a bad thing that ski season is so late in coming, because it would have added yet another activity to our already hectic schedule. Plus, the lack of skiing means that some of us can focus on hockey or music/drama/singing while others might put some time and thought into writing. Hey, you never know.

I guess you can call it making lemons out of lemonade, but there is a silver lining to this dismal ski season, bearing in mind that the season is far from over, and it goes without saying that at some point we’ll get some snow. I hope so, because I’d still like to hit the slopes. Have to make good use of that ski pass, if we can find the time.

Until then, thanks for reading, and thanks to Milan Jurek for the pic.

Starting the New Year Slowly

I haven’t been as diligent about writing since the new year, even though that’s exactly the sort of new year’s resolution an aspiring writer would embrace. Just goes to show you how much weight resolutions really carry. Either way, one area that we are trying to be diligent about is school work. As 2011 drew to a close, we were going pretty easy in terms of work. I sort of approached it as a review of the year’s material, bearing in mind that they are a year ahead. It was easy for them, and I have to confess, I had an ulterior motive in that it meant having to battle less with the kids to do their school work.

It occurred to me, not to mention R, who voiced her concern, that they were skating a bit too much. You aren’t doing your kids a favor by letting them off easy, because at some point life will present them with challenges, and they have to have the wherewithal to deal with them without any parents around. So, we’ve ratcheted things up a bit, and it hasn’t been as awful as I anticipated it to be. Hmm, seems to be a familiar pattern here.

I expected things to get ugly, mainly with N, who really puts up a fight. A tends to offer some resistance, but in the end she will do what you ask because she is not only good at it, but she understands why we are making them do it. N, on other hand, is more than happy to put up a fight, even in lieu of the fact that he’s very good at academics. The one thing he resists the most is writing. He’s a great reader, he loves math, and he is curious. It’s the writing the bums him out, but in homage to Eleanor Roosevelt, we will seek to do that which we think we cannot do. N can write, he’d just rather play hockey or watch a movie.

Thus far, it hasn’t been too bad, and best of all, the kids are learning that they can do more and overcome challenges when they simply assert themselves a little. It doesn’t even take that much.

So I guess you can say that in terms of academics, we’re doing okay, if not well. I just have to get off my rear end and get the writing done. Sound familiar?

Until the next time, thanks for reading, and thanks to Theo Kleen for the pic.