Thanksgiving Stress and the Learning to Lighten Up

We had a great Thanksgiving yesterday, capping it off with a really nice visit to the Boland's house for desert. We got to meet Amber's folks and they were super nice, I really enjoyed hanging out with them. And of course, Audrey and Nicholas were thrilled to be able to go over to Clara's, they can never get enough of her.

I got a little stressed and I'm ashamed to admit it, but after supper, we were running late and I overreacted as usual and took the kids over while Ruth was getting ready. The funny thing is, while I was stressing, I was also able to remind myself that it was no big deal and that my stress was completely unfounded, but I still went for it. When we got there, the Bolands weren't even eating desert, yet, they were just hanging out and chilling, so no big deal. I apologized to Ruth and we worked out the situation, but it was my bad. Have to work harder on that.

In that vein of thought, I am making a greater conscious effort to lighten up, especially with the kids. It ain't easy trying to address your hair triggers, but at the very least I am aware of them when they happen and I'm consciously trying to combat them. That is always the first step, so stay tuned for more.

Our Thanksgiving meal went well, though the time was all thrown off, we ended up eating at 3:00, which is way too early for us, and personally I don't think we enjoyed the meal as much. I.e., we just weren't as hungry. If not for our plans to hang with the Bolands, we would have eaten much later, but that's not a complaint.

Audrey, BTW, made some wonderful Thanksgiving decorations for the table, she's so cute, she did such a wonderful job. She is really amazing. AND, we can take a pic and use it for homeschooling. Can't miss these opportunities.

Today is the big shopping day, and we'll try to avoid it as much as possible, though Nicholas does need some gloves, and Audrey needs a raincoat, not to mention a fleece. I also need to hit the store and the video store, so if they retailers are still open, which I'm guessing they are, I'll try to stop by. It would be nice to avoid the crowds.

Until the next time, thanks for reading.

Bagels, Brownies, and Thanksgiving Prep

We had quite a busy day yesterday, and though we had to forsake certain things, we managed to get a lot done, and the kids had fun. Before I get too far, I just wanted to mention that I did find some contact information for the Valley News Parent section, and found that it is a quarterly pub and that explains why I've had such a hard time finding it.

We were supposed to go see Gary and Tori and of course we were running late, so we didn't get to our all important homeschooling exercises, but we've been doing well, so it's not the end of the world. But before we left, I figured we needed to get some things done on the food front. I got some bagels started because we've been making them and liking the result. One thing I love is that Audrey and Nicholas really love to help out in the kitchen, they love to cook, and I think it's a good experience for everyone, especially me.

I've been working on my temper and being an asshole, and I've found in the past that you can change undesirable behavior with a lot of thought and effort. I've done it before, and I'm determined to do it this time because when it comes to your children, you've got to pull out all the stops. Either way, I'm much more conscientious about my anger, so we'll see where this goes.

We were running late, always a good time to confront stress and anger, and I knew we weren't going to pull of workbooks. I had an ambitious plan to make bagels, pumpkin pie, brownies, and dinner all in one fell swoop, but it was going to take some serious prep. I made the bagel dough in the AM and let it ripen in the mud room while we were away.

We went to Gary's and it was good to see them. I was curious to see their cats and was blown away by how large they've gotten. They were so big, and I have to confess that I really though the opposite would be the case. Gary mentioned that he thought they were feeding them too much, but whatever the case, they looked huge. Maybe they are fat, but I couldn't see that at first.

There are times I think Gary just seems resigned to things he doesn't like, and I wonder if he might benefit from being more assertive and putting his foot down. They got a satellite dish, and now I know it's all down hill from there. They're going to be locked into watching TV, it will consume their lives, especially Tori. It's a joke how people justify watching TV by saying they watch Discovery Channel, a complete joke. I'm trying not to judge, to each their own, but it is interesting how hard it is to avoid the long reach of the media. It rules our lives. Also, the cats seem to run around as they please even though he doesn't want them inside. I understand, Gary has a lot on his plate and he can't spend his time putting out little fires around the house. I did get to meet his folks and enjoyed talking with them.

Our plan was a little thrown off, I figured we were going to have lunch over there, but that plan fell through and Audrey and Nicholas were hungry, but we had a small snack and I figured we could have something later. Audrey and Tori had a lot of fun, though, and spent most of their time outside shooting the chickens with their bow and arrows. It was pretty amusing. Nicholas wanted to just hang out inside and was a little clingy, but that's how he is these days and it's cool with me.

We came home and cooked up a storm, managing to pull off our big plan. I made them a quick snack, finished the bagels, cooked up the stuffed pumpkins, made pumpkin pie, and then brownies. It was pretty impressive, all the more so because I let Audrey and Nicholas help out. Pretty amazing. I'm glad we can do things together.

I've been hearing more grumblings about our friend's situation with his wife, and I'm struck by how hard it's been on him, but he's a super sensitive guy, and he really got screwed on this one, even if everybody's shit stinks, if even just a little bit. I honestly had no idea any of this was going on and wish I could do more, but he's got a good support network and he'll be just fine. He's the kind of guy who you just wish the best for, and his circle of friends is a testament to that.

I brined the chicken last night, and today we'll make our Thanksgiving feast. Should be good. Until then, thanks for reading.

Denied Acces, Making Pizza, and the Fragile State of the Family

It seems like whenever Nicholas and I try to do something, we get denied by some greater, unforeseen force. It's a bummer because he gets so disappointed, and it makes me angry, though I'm working on my anger management over here. Last week it was at the River Club, they wouldn't let us do anything because it's one of those uptight places that don't like kids. That's their right.

This time it was at the Rec Center. Audrey had choir practice (she's really excited, BTW), and for Nicholas it can get really hard to sit through it all, so I had the brilliant idea of going to the rec center to play foosball or pool or ping pong, but when we got there, I forgot to factor in the darn daycare. They have after school care from 3-5, so there was no way we were going to get on those games. Fair enough, they have their gig, but it didn't help me explain to him that we couldn't do it, and on the heels of the previous denial. What a drag.

We ended up going to the library and that was sort of fun, got to see Marie and Colleen, though I get a weird vibe off her. And her son Finn and Nicholas were supposed to be buddies. It's my first time hanging out at the library, and it's a nice place, but I guess we're partial to the Howe. I hate to seem disloyal.

Audrey's choir is not too long, in fact, it's pretty short and I wonder how much they really get done, but they get it done. The kids are completely out of control, and it must be frustrating for MaryAnn, Lois, and Gene. They do a great job, though. Some of the kids refuse to listen to authority, and some of them seem beyond apathetic in singing for the group. It's a shame, it's a wonderful experience.

Nicholas wanted to go bowling again, but maybe these are the good lessons in life where we learn we can't always get what we want. We came home and made pizzas, which is always a lot of fun. Audrey and Nicholas do a great job, and they really enjoy it. I used a dough that I'd frozen and I don't think it had enough time to rise, you need more time with frozen dough.

As a result, we didn't get a good rise out of it, but it was adequate. Most importantly, the kids have fun making them, and they work really hard.

Finally heard from the Bolands, we had lost touch. It wouldn't be an issue except that Audrey is pining for Clara and it's been a roller coaster emotional ride at home with my anger issues and my hurting Audrey's feeling. We're going to see them tomorrow for desert, maybe even sooner, though we're slated to see Gary and Tori today. I hope the truck makes it up the road to their house. It's one of those situations that gives me anxiety and stops me from doing thing in the first place, so I'll stop being such a wimp and just do it.

My final thoughts are on the fragile state of the family, or more specifically, marriage. I just found out that yet another couple are having problems, and it blew me away, though there were small signs that I'd seen, and now in retrospect, it was pretty clear. My first thought was that there seems to be an inordinate number of failed marriages up here. There are so many single parents and divorces of people we know, but then Ruth and I got to thinking that the national average is 50%, so maybe we're just seeing this firsthand.

Whatever be the case, we know an inordinate number of divorced couples or single parents. In fact, when we lived in the red barn, all of the tenants seemed to be divorced or single. It was a little depressing. Anyway, the news of the latest family hit me like a ton of bricks, and I didn't know what to say other than offer my support. The first question that always runs through my mind is why? What happened, and what can you do to rectify it, and what can we learn from all this. It's a tough situation because we are friends with the husband and wife, and our kids are friends. How do you interact with them without it being awkward?

It does explain one thing-why we haven't gotten together with these guys for ages. They've been completely absent from our lives, and of course we assumed it was because they hated us for whatever reason. Now it sort of makes sense.

You kind of hope that they can reconcile things, but when it comes to questions of infidelity, especially repeat offenses, I think the bridge has been burned and there's no turning back. Sad.

Of course, it got Ruth and I thinking about us, and how it seems like at times we're under siege over here, the family that holds it together in a vast cauldron of tumult. On the one hand, it bums me out, but on the other it has no bearing on our lives... sort of. They are our friends, but we know well enough what we value in life and how we want to live it. You have to live your life with blinders sometimes, and you can't let the outside world influence, or for that matter, corrupt you.

My theory is that it the strength of a family, and consequently your ability to weather storms, is how solid your foundation is as a family unit. What I mean is, a family that lives it's life together, doing things and living as one, has a better chance of staying together. Call me a fool, it wouldn't be the first time, but when you start creating disparate lives and think it leads to a happier life together, I think it only increases the challenge.

The single biggest problem with this is that it involves sacrifice and compromise. To live as a family, you really have to get over undue obsession over your own stuff. That's what parenting is all about, isn't it? The people who are unable to make these compromises and instead worry mainly about themselves make it harder on not only their family to prosper, but make it harder on themselves.

I don't profess to have the answers, but I seem to see this a lot. A family is a family, a team, if you will. An individual is exactly that, as well. Not unlike the sports analogy of the team. A bunch of superstars looking out for their own stats will only get you so far, but a cohesive team of players willing to play their roles will win the championships.

We'll see how this goes. We give our full support to him, but it'll be weird seeing the wife over the holidays, if we even do. Until the next time, thanks for reading.

Being a Jerk and the Not So Great Day

I feel like crap. Sometimes as a parent you act a certain way that makes you really feel like a big dick. I admit that I'm not the most patient person and can play little guilt trip games with my kids, and it really makes them feel badly. I try my best and work hard at it, but when you spend all day with somebody, the worst parts of you are bound to show up.

I got mad at Audrey yesterday on the heels of a crappy day, and it wasn't her fault and I shouldn't have taken it out on her and I'm a real asshole for doing it. I feel terrible. We went to a special homeschool phys ed day at this posh gym nearby. It was an experience in and of itself, and I won't get too into it now, but it turned out to be a bad day. We had gone into it with certain expectations, and were sorely disappointed, so much so that I ended up making an ass of myself to my kids.

The problem was rooted in the fact that the program was geared towards older kids, but we figured it was a gym, they had a complete facility where Nicholas and I could pass the time while Audrey played with kids her own age, but that wasn't in the stars, and Nicholas and I ended up sitting there twiddling our thumbs, watching. My temper boiled over when Audrey went into the locker and took a shower, a perfectly reasonable thing, but we were waiting and Nicholas was upset and I just lost my patience.

I didn't yell at Audrey, but I let her know I wasn't happy, and sometimes that's even worse. It really affected her, and I feel like shit. If there's a silver lining to this, it's that it really highlights my need to get a grip and stop losing my cool so often. I usually lose my temper for the smallest, most trivial things, and I usually express it by either blowing my stack and playing little games, which is even worse. Our kids are sensitive, too.

Either way, there's no excuse. I love our kids, they are the greatest, and I feel blessed and lucky to have such wonderful children. Being an ass is a sign of taking such a gift for granted, and I don't want to ever be that way.

How do I control my ways? I really need to take a step back and stop stressing about things, because I do tend to lose it all the time. What's the big deal?

I will say this, I have zero desire to return to that club. It really sucked, way too stiff and uptight, but very much in line with the Hanover crowd. Money, money, money. I'll write more about it in another post.

Until the next time, thanks for reading.

Shame on Me with the Maple Syrup

Yesterday we did one of my favorite Sunday morning rituals and made sausage and waffles (or sometimes French Toast) for breakfast. I love those moments when we're sitting around the table together, chowing down on waffles with real maple syrup, the frost on the windows reminding us of how cold it is outside while our wood stove helps us forget.

Well, if you know anything about maple syrup, and for the record, I know very little, you can't help but notice that the stuff is expensive. Really expensive, and though we use a lot less than we used to, when you live in Vermont, using anything other than the real thing is anathema and simply not acceptable. So we bite the bullet and buy the real McCoy. We keep some in a separate jar because the half gallon jug is way too cumbersome.

That is not to say that the jar doesn't get heavy, as well. While we were eating, I kept getting anxious while I watched Audrey and Nicholas trying to work with the heavy jar with their tiny, delicate hands, convincing myself that they were going to spill the precious liquid.

Well, as you might have guessed, it turns out it was ME who spilled the darn bottle. I was reaching across the table (poor manners, BTW) and I tried to lift the jar and it slipped out of my hand, spilling about 90% of it's contents. I was so bummed, but I was more ashamed at targeting the kids for something that I was just as capable of doing. Shame on me.

What a bummer, losing all that syrup. I stared at it dripping off the table was half tempted to still eat it, but we sopped it up and rinsed it down the drain. Oh well, such is life. BTW, our syrup is made by Marty's brother, who I learned is the sugar person of the year, whatever that means.

I managed to get some of the writing stuff that was bugging me done, and man do I feel invincible. I finished the darn letter to Dee, toning it down significantly. As I may have mentioned, I felt it inappropriate and unnecessary to rail on him, even though he's a total prick. Let it lie and move on, as they say. Either way, it felt good to connect with Dee, and I hope we can maintain some contact.




I know, the doll looks a little scary, but in real life he's really cute. Besides, he's supposed to look afraid and worried.

Also, I got the book review done. That was bugging me because that's more on the serious end. I got a few books from PS, Lynn asked if I was interested in reviewing them, and it went pretty well. Audrey and Nicholas liked the books, they're called Emotes. They came with a stuffed doll, always a bonus, and Audrey liked the stories. I have to confess, I didn't like them at first glance, being the traditionalist that I am, but after reading the stories, I found they had nice messages and the art work is pretty hip and contemporary. Most importantly, the kids liked them, and that's all that matters. AND, Lynn liked the review.

I also did my first blog entry for Trazzler, so I'm on my way to being a travel writer. My next two big things are finishing my piece for Away, and writing my piece for the WAHM Jan issue. That's the tough one. Did I mention Erika of WAHM finally got back to me and said she loved my writing?

Until the next time, thanks for reading.

Holidays Approach, the Cold, and Cat Disasters

Not to venture into the wonderful world of cliches, but I can't believe the holidays are upon us. We have to start planning for Thanksgiving, and then comes the Christmas tree followed by all that other good stuff. It's pretty amazing that we're on the cusp of another new year.

As I mentioned, Gary has reclaimed his cars, so we are once again with just one car... sort of. The thing is, Gary, our hero, actually left his chase truck here, and said we were welcome to use it if we needed it. It's a massive vehicle, a 3/4 ton mammoth, but it's cool, and it drives, and he did say... I don't want to take advantage, but man is it nice having another car. And with the holidays, we have a lot of activities that we need to get to. We really need to get another car. I thought about it last night, and another car would really make life easier, but it's the sort of thing that if I bitched about it and then we got one, I'd feel guilty as hell about the expense. So I keep my mouth shut.

I got some of my Christmas cards together, but I'm only about 95% of the way there. Still need to make up the difference, but I'll see where that one goes. I like writing cards, and even toyed with the idea of starting now and just sending them out in December, but I'll wait. The problem I run into is that I burn out as I near the end, and writing them becomes a chore. Such is life.

And then, of course, is the issue of getting a tree. Then again, we do have a truck.

It's been amazing cold out here, colder than I recall, and we are nice and toasty in our house with the wood stove burning constantly. Waking up is the brutal part, because our bedroom gets the coldest since it's the farthest from the stove. Fortunately, Audrey and Nicholas' room is the warmest, and I'm glad for that.

We had a cat disaster yesterday, kind of weird. Misty got stuck in the bathroom, she must have sneaked in and I missed her and closed the door, because when we went in later, she bolted out, but not before she pooped in the sink and peed on the rug. It was pretty nasty, and I had to clean it. On a humorous note, I had used the bathroom earlier, and when I went in with Nicholas, the smell was overwhelming and I thought, "Man, did I do that?" I didn't, it was the cat.

We returned to Hanover and went to Boloco for the first time since our return. We love that place, it's a great place to get a quick meal. Went to the library for the first time since our return and it was nice seeing all our friends. We love the Howe, what a great library. We didn't see Amanda and crew, I was sort of expecting it, but we'll connect one of these days. I half expect to see her at some event and have her bust my balls for not calling her. It's been known to happen.

Until the next time, thanks for reading.

Making Homeschool Connections and a Duet

We made a new homeschool connection, sort of. There's a cool fitness club out here that was well out of the range of what we could afford, and it turns out the owners are homeschoolers, or at least some of the owners. They are opening the club to homeschoolers a couple of days a week, a huge bonus. Not only will we get to swim and play tennis, but we'll get to cavort with other homeschoolers. I spoke with one of the guys there and it turns out he runs all sort of homeschool groups in the Spring. A good vibe, if I may say so. We'll go on Monday, and it'll be interesting to see how it goes, though I don't want to build it up too much.

On another bright note, Audrey was chosen to sing a duet in her choir. I hate to admit it, but I'm so shamelessly stoked about it. In fact, when we first started, MaryAnn mentioned that there might be a solo or duet, and I was secretly hoping that Audrey might get chosen, though I NEVER said anything to either our children or the chorus people. When she was asked, I quietly jumped for joy. It's the little things in life that matter the most.

For the record, Audrey was thrilled at the idea, so it worked out well... so far.