Things My Kids Teach Me and Little Moments

Yesterday was one heck of a busy day. Besides our usual great playdate (UGP), I had to shovel ten metric tons of snow, not to mention fill the wood box, rake the roof, and make our vegan dinner, which BTW is a new family favorite - African Ground Nut Stew. A great way to eat cabbage, which always seems to get rejected in our house. I figured we needed a good vegan stretch to compensate for all that kielbasa we at yesterday.

Anyway, in typical dad fashion, by the time dinner rolled around, I was stressed out and being a little curt with the kids, something I regret to no end but in the heat of the moment can't seem to suppress. At some point as I was getting dinner together and cleaning up the kitchen so my wife wouldn't tear me a new one, A came to the door and asked me to help them outside. They had been working tirelessly to dig caves in the snowbanks, which for the record are massive, and had hit ice and needed some help.

My response? "No, I'm busy." Just for the record, my snow clothes were soaking wet from our earlier UGP. End of discussion. She was disappointed and went back to their hard work, and as I chopped veggies and cooked the rice, I felt incredibly guilty for not only being so short with her, but for passing up a moment to help them out in what was a noble endeavor-building something with their hands. And the truth of the matter was, they were working very hard and their request was legit.

Now I know I've been spouting off on how it's good for kids to work on their own and feel the grandeur of achievement, but at some point, a parent has gotta lighten up and lend a helping hand. There are no universal truths, you really have to evaluate each situation as it comes up, and whenever possible, spend some true quality time with your kids.

SO, I cranked through the meal prep (the beauty of this dish is that it can be served in one bowl, thus making cleanup that much easier), got it simmering on low, put all my wet and cold snow clothes back on, and rushed out there. I felt a rush of relief when I saw they were still working on their cave, and I broke out my shovel and helped them out.

And you know what? It was a lot of fun. Sometimes my kids really teach me that things (most things) are not such a big deal, at least not big enough to stress out over and make everyone else miserable, and it's always a good time to spend quality time working hard on something. Even if dinner was late, which it wasn't, big deal. But more importantly is to lighten up and celebrate each moment with your family, because these are the memories that you'll share with them forever.

Just wanted to mention that they did a great job on their tunnels and worked so hard shoveling all that snow. Sure, I was exhausted, but we had fun, and when that's going on, somehow the fatigue is never that bad.

Had a little moment the other night as well. My wife was reading stories to N and her foot was hanging over the bed. I whispered to A to tickle them and she did and got a great response. She was so giddy, she couldn't stop giggling, and she gave me a high-five as we shared in a moment. It's the little things in life. If you can appreciate them, then you're doing okay.

Until the next time, thanks for reading.

Hands Off Parenting

I've been trying to be less overbearing as a parent (are such things possible?) by letting the kids be more independent, even when the situation may call for some assistance. I'd like to clarify that it irks them to no end when I intervene in something that they want to do by themselves, and I have to really take step back and allow them to work independently, but I am the quintessential helicopter parent, at the ready to swoop in whenever they call for my help. Consequently, when the going gets tough, sometimes they throw in the towel too easily and call for me to jump in, before I think they've really given it a good try.

It's a fine balancing act, and you don't want them to feel discouraged and of course to ever compromise their health and safety, but the reality is, kids need to stumble now and then because they learn a great deal from it, and we're not doing them any favors by helping them avoid it.

Case in point, XC skiing. We were heading up this massive hill and I asked N if he wanted to do it. He said yes, so went for it. It wasn't easy for him, and I was right behind him so I could see firsthand the challenge of it all. He was stumbling and slipping as his friends, the older kids, were off and running way up ahead. At some point, you forget about everyone around you and focus on the job at hand. He was having a rough go of it, but doing it.

K must have thought I was the biggest asshole because she came down the hill and offered to tow him up, but I knew he wanted to do it, and he politely declined her assistance. I think it surprise and maybe even impressed her a little. I can't say for sure, but I know one thing, I sure felt like a dick by not stepping in and helping. But again, I felt like it was a good experience for him.

And he did it, and felt the jubilation of doing it all by his lonesome. He works so hard to keep up, it really is a challenge, but he grows from the experience.

It also happened yesterday with A. We went to homeschool art and afterwards the kids wanted to play in the snow. There is a jungle gym with a swing, which somebody placed too high up to get on with any ease. A was trying to get on, and after a first failed attempt, called out for me to help her. I told her to keep trying, and I could see she was only giving a half-hearted effort, thinking that eventually I would just come and lift her up, but I stood my ground, and even told her that I think it best that she try.

Well, that sure pissed her off, and she took off in a huff. I blew it by finally offering to help, but by that time she wasn't buying it and told me as much as she brooded in the snow. She may have been pondering her dilemma because she did eventually come back and figured out how to get on the swing, all by herself. I had literally nothing to do with it, well maybe a little by default.

The point is, it wasn't life threatening in any way, it would have been easier and simpler for me to just do things for them, but they stuck in there and figured it out for themselves. Those kinds of experiences will speak volumes to them throughout their lives.

Until the next time, thanks for reading.