Sunday, October 26, 2008

Torn Between Responsibilities

I had this great idea for clearing the leaves from our yard, but it is in direct conflict with what my kids want, so somewhere I we have to find a happy medium. Here's the plan, I'll rake a big pile that they can play in, and after a few days, mulch it and then cover the garden. How does that sound?

Nicholas got a last minute birthday present from Ruth's brother, and I have to say, my fucking dickhead brother once again blew him off. What a dick, I can't stand that guy. I'm going to write him a letter. My mom sent a card with money, and it was nice of her, but we haven't replied, and I know she's stewing on this.

But I came to a conclusion that I don't want her to be a part of our lives. It's way too painful for me to be around her, and she continues to turn the screw whenever I'm around her. I get so worked up when I think back on how cruel and ruthless my mom and dad were all my life, even to this day, and though I've moved on with my life, I can't get away from it as long as she's involved in my life. She said she wanted to visit, though I know that not only would she absolutely hate it here, but she would go on relentlessly about everything about our lives, especially the fact that I'm staying at home. She is so cruel in that way.

Who needs that in their lives? Plus, I find my mom brings out the absolute worst in me, and the last thing I want is to be that way around my kids. So the only solution is to be the bad son and keep her away from us. I love our lives, I don't want to be judged and I don't want to question our decisions. This is our life and we're entitled to live it our way.

Besides, my mom is so enmeshed in the LA attitude and way of life, and that's about the crappiest way a person can live.

Until the next time, thanks for reading.

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