Why is this so Difficult?

This question was posed to me by one of the hockey parents, and I couldn’t agree more. What is it about hockey that makes the parents so neurotic and anxious? It’s just a game, right? Maybe not, anyone involved knows this not to be the case.

In addition to the horrendous number of hours that parents have to dedicate to their kid’s game, there is the question of what exactly we (not just they) are trying to get out of this. The answer, unfortunately, is not so simple.

Sure, it’s all about fun, but in the era of modern parenting, even fun has to have some functional purpose. This, of course, is coupled with a healthy dose of parental blinders regarding what’s best for their child. Despite what the kids want (to have fun), parents know (or do they?) that there needs to be some hard work to learn and progress. Plus, the willingness to work hard in one area will translate into hard work in another. N is more than able to work hard at something, and can do well, but tends to opt for the path of least resistance. Along this line, he might be more inclined to play on a mediocre team if it’s easier than a top team if it’s harder. Bear in mind he’s just a kid, but again, hockey is a different world. It is important to maintain his interest and ensure that he is enjoying the process.

Anyway, there’s plenty of drama in the hockey world, and we are in the midst of it right now. N is doing a skills session with the big city program. I think it’s perfect for him, but it’s a long practice (2 hours-N has complained), and they work hard. They indicated as much in the flier. The coaches are the real deal, and they have repeated what I’ve said in the past: N is a good listener/learner and is very coach-able. He sees the ice well and is a good skater. All good things, but only when paired with a good teacher/coach.

I am not such a person, and if next season I or TG ended up being the head coach, I really don’t think he would get a lot out of it other than having fun and playing hockey. That would be fine, but to progress as a player, he would do better to have someone like GG or Mr. Hockey as a coach, who know more about the game, and are passionate. I can already see that he has benefited from this past season with Mr. Hockey.

This brings up the complication with the coming season. All indications were that Mr. Hockey was taking his kids to the big city, where he lives. It makes perfect sense, and nobody can fault him. That left us to fend for ourselves, and I thought N would be better off in the big city program, despite my huge reservations (cost, intensity, more cost). I figured in the big city, he’d get the best coaching (no question), be on a competitive team, and be surrounded by top notch players. N said he’d be open to the idea.

Now comes complication #2: the big city has up to three or four teams, with a hierarchy in talent. After talking to numerous people and investigating the possibilities, I concluded that the optimal benefits are derived from playing on the top team. They have tryouts, which is normal for most programs, by an outside board. If you’re a good player and have a bad day at tryouts, then you’re out of luck, because things won’t change. I know someone whose son falls into this category, he is on a team way below his abilities, but there’s no going back. Plus, when you play on the top team, they don’t mess around and work like dogs. When you watch them play, it shows, they are amazingly good, but function like a machine. I’m not sure if N is ready for that.

Boy, life would be easier if there weren’t so many darn choices. The lure of the big city program became even more seductive when I spoke with one of the coaches, who also runs the skills camp, and he said, straight out without my prompting, that he thought N had a shot at making the top team. The term he used was “real legitimate shot.” Naturally my insecurities swept me away in a wave possibilities.

In the end, I’m not sure what to make of it all. I’m happy the coach thinks highly of N, I think he works hard and deserves it, but I’ve also noticed plenty of kids from other programs seduced by the allure of the big city program. Might he be just feeding us a all a line to get us to come over? The reality is, he didn’t have to say a thing. The big city program is never for want of players, they have so many kids they don’t know what to do with them. Furthermore, the coach in question was not gushing, he was measured and concise in his assessment, and I agree with his points.

So the end result is we don’t know what to do. Plus, the clock is ticking. They put the pressure on you and you have to decide.

As my friend said, why does this have to be so hard? I feel some loyalty to our current program: A and N love it, the kids are nice, the parents are nice, and it’s manageable. They are not as powerful as the big city program, but is that really needed at this age? One of the problems I see is that with all these choices, the whole system crumbles because everyone must look out for their own interest and can pick and choose. Parents can’t be expected to compromise their own kid’s interest. I think N would grow as a player in the highly competitive atmosphere of the big city, but he would be a senior player and potential leader in our current program.

What to do? This will continue until the season starts, no doubt. I wish it were simpler, but then again, if it were, life might not be as interesting.

Until the next time, thanks for reading, and thanks to Geoff the cameraman for the pic.